If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
