No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
