Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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