There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
