Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
