Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
