so that wasnt chicken after all
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
