We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
