I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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