He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
