I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
