listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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