As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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