He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
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it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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