Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
