My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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