her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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