Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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