my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
