I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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