I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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