Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dicks are not precious.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
