my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
