just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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