I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And then my night got REAL pukey
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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