Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
