I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Life is so much better after having sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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