question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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