Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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