No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
