Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I deserve to be covered in dicks
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
