My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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