he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
