Where did you get a picture of my penis
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
