You don't have asthma, your pregnant
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
