Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
