didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
