If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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