I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
