I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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