If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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