You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
