shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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