So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
