Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I only lived at night.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
