I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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