I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you would pick up someone in the library
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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