he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
