i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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