Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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