A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
