Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
