I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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