i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What a dumb baby whore.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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