they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
