the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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