Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
