he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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