Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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