Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
