I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
