Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
