I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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