So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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