is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He? As in you personified your dick?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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