Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
