I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
