Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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