I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
