i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
