He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.