In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.