is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath