2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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