Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
